The summer travel lunacy season has descended on Europe again. Flying out of Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris is an exercise in pure masochism. On July 10th, I was on the 06:40 Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt: the terminal was packed at 05:00 in the morning. There were at least 750 people in the Lufthansa Star Alliance check-in counter: desperate Indian tourists, clueless American couples, perky Taiwanese sports groups, all shuffling forward at a bovine pace, wondering what strange urge had possessed them to visit France.
Today, I got to CDG at 06:00 for the Czech Airways flight to Prague. Same story: a line of at least 150 people at the dedicated CSA check-in at Terminal 2D, inching forward at a snail’s pace, laden with suitcases and boxes and baggage carts and howling babies of every possible description. CSA had 4 check-in teams handling 150 passengers, but somehow the average processing time per check-in group was about 10 minutes. It was a really slow line – glacial.
In both cases, I took one look, veered off, and used the automated check-in boarding terminals. It was easy: I printed the boarding card, shouldered the baggage I had originally been planning to check in, and walked to security control. Getting to the “baggage drop-off” point was impossible: the same line that led to normal check in was used for the baggage drop off. I didn’t bother asking what the point of this system was: existentially it would have been too challenging.
Security was cursory: this morning they let me through at Paris with my Williams shaving foam and skin repair in my overnight bag. At Prague, they caught them and confiscated them both. What is happening at CDG?
But the fun wasn’t over. The CSA flight boarded at gate D55. I was first through the line, walked along the gate, and discovered that instead of boarding the perfectly good Air France Boeing tucked snugly against the bridge just a few meters in front, I had to descend some stairs and wait in a bus. Fine. The bus eventually filled up, and we were driven to gate F34. There, the bus driver got out and disappeared up another flight of stairs. In the meantime, a stream of people started walking down that same flight of stairs, boarding a bus to take them somewhere else.
While this pleasant scene was taking place, we sat on our bus. Ten minutes passed, then another ten, and after 30 minutes, the driver returned and announced we could board in 5 minutes. What had happened? Another flight used gate F34 to descend some stairs and be transferred – by bus – to another plane. Meanwhile we were waiting for them to go down the stairs, so we could go up the stairs, and board the plane parked at F34. It would be too much to have two planes of passengers using the same set of stairs, one going up and one going down, at the same time. In fact, it would have been too much even to use the damned bridge for the reason it was intended: boarding the plane stationed at it. We did enjoy using the stairs, though.
We finally got everyone on board – the other busses pulled up just as we got out of our bus, having been held up by a lack of security screeners – and took off 45 minutes late. I can just imagine what held up those damned screeners: Zut allors, ou est la shaving foam Williams? Where’s that dangerous Williams shaving foam that passed through here an hour ago?
This is a classic lean thinking problem: airports have a designed capacity based on resource constraints, primarily cost of capital expenditure and operating costs. Yet the tourist season occurs only 3 months per year. France is not only the country with the highest number of incoming tourists in Europe (over 66 million), but a country of 60 million where the summer vacances are an important part of life. Result in July? Pure chaos. Packed terminals, missed flights, lost luggage, delays, and probable security and maintenance strains.
My advice to anyone flying out of Paris in the three summer months is: avoid it, if at all possible, except in early June. Paris is great in the spring, and fantastic in the fall: visit it then. If you have to fly in or out, plan on being there at least two hours prior to check in. If you are flying Lufthansa, Air France or any of the other network carriers, be there even earlier: 2.5-3 hours are good. If you have the choice, check in online or using the check-in terminals, and take carry-on luggage only. Just don’t pack any liquids greater than 100 ml, you horrible terrorist, you. How my shaving foam poses a threat to aviation security is beyond me. Does it smell that bad?
I’m writing this in Prague Airport, where I had the privelege of being served a cup of watery capuccino for six euros. Six euros! I’m never going to complain about Athenian coffee prices again. It was served by a large Czech barmaid with bottle blond spiked hair and a nose ring, who cheerfully range up the bill and thus contributed to the Czech Republic’s stellar economic performance.
Who would have thought it could be so easy? I call upon the Greek tourist authorities to immediately raise all prices by 25%. Damn customer complaints: full speed ahead with our economic convergence with Europe!
No comments:
Post a Comment